Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
