i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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