dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
