Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm always down for nudity.
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