just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
