If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
