We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
