Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
are you so shy because you have an std?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
