Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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