ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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