come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
