So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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