apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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