I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
