his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
