I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
