Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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