Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So here I am, sexting at work.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
