so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
