i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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