the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
