Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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