Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
