I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
