On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
