your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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