I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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