thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
