He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
