you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
