There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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