If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
