Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
