Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
