did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
