Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
