Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
a search helicopter?!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
