In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
