He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
