And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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