party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
