every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
