i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
