I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
