if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
