I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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