His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
