I'm drive I can fine osifer
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
