So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
