Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i dont even know how to be here
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
