A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
