btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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