i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I know her cup size but not her name....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
