So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
