That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
