my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
