My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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