Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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