____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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