I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
