Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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