Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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