imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
