you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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