How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
