so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
