Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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