spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
