Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
