His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize