So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wear drunk well.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
