then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
