Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
