im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the raccoons are back...
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