Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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