Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
