Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My ass is underappreciated
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
