I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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