I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
