in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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