No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
