DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
