I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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