Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
