Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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