i can't believe i had my finger in that
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
