i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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