the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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